I spent my first 40 years looking for love in all the wrong places. Looking to fill the holes my heart longed to be filled but after finding said love, it was more empty than before. Growing up I could never truly understood love, I mean my parents loved me the best they knew how but there was always this longing. Longing to be loved, longing to be delighted in, longing to be seen, longing for someone to scoop down and rescue me. As a child my favorite movie was Cinderella, visions of my Prince Charming swooping in to rescue me from this life of pain, my damsel in distress mentality, unfairness, abuse, and rescue me from myself. My biggest problem with this dream, was in the searching. I searched for this dream in man. Failed relationship after failed relationship only left me empty. I had to learn, the hard way unfortunately, that God is the only one meant to fill the gaping holes in my heart. I learned that He is my Prince Charming.
Remember this toy? How when learning your shapes, you placed the right shaped piece in the exact shaped hole? Often in life we are filling our holes with all the wrong shaped pieces, men, food, money, children, work, and the list goes on. However when we learn early that only God is intended to fill these holes, how different our life could be.
C.S. Lewis says,
Perspective order: Put first things first you get first and second things, but put second things first you lose both first and second things. Thankfully, I have allowed God to tear off all the scabs covering the holes of my heart and I allowed Him to completely heal them. It was a painful & difficult process but so worth it. Once this healing took place I was able to see Love through the lens of God. As my therapist said, I finally got my picker fixed. Haha! Finally, I was able to see the Godly love I was always supposed to receive. Then God gave me my hearts desire in a man. The one thing I spent my life longing for in a man, He gave it to me. I didn't search for it, I didn't stalk it, it came to me unexpectedly. Now that I have a Godly man who loves me as Christ loved the church, and who is the leader of our home, one would think I could rest now that all my holes are filled. One thing I have learned in the past 4 years is that no matter how Godly your husband is, no matter how he checks all the boxes we have in our minds, there will always be a loneliness. A loneliness and a longing that only God was meant to fill. It is too much to place the weighty expectation on my husband or anyone else other than God to fill. So, in my periods of loneliness, I rest in God. I take this need & let Him fill it. Lesson learned. So today, evaulate what's filling your holes. Seek God because He's the only one who can fill them without ever thirsting again. I am thankful God continued to pursue me. He met me at my well & filled every crevice with His unconditional LOVE.