There are some days I could care less if I see another informational picture that quotes something encouraging or to praise God anyway. It seems we can like them, save them, share them, and even quote them but some days they can't speak to the core of your discouraged heart. You know that place that at the end of the day questioning why am I doing this again? Some days my struggles are overwhelming on top of being sick doesn't exactly make me want to read them or remember "in everything give thanks". I am frustrated. Lately it seems that's a state I find myself residing. Frustrated that people don't really listen, can't follow the rules, refuse to follow-up, wear their mask, or those who scam everyone to think that they really are doing what they are supposed too. Especially when there are so many who are overlooked that are working hard & making good choices. Of course then there's those you spend your life pouring into. Those you make the biggest contribution too & at the end of the day you are left standing with egg on your face.
Sometimes I just feel stuck. I know I am supposed to be stuck to God not in my circumstance. But today here I am. What do I do with all these feelings? The feelings of not enough, never good enough, never any real understanding, no thank you's, no pats on the back, never credit for all you do. Just nothing simply nothing. It's a lonely place.
When you look to God to answer all these feelings and allow Him the liberty to speak into them I know He makes the difference. But even though I may know that doesn't mean I always feel like it. I feel there are days my heart just bleeds out. Giving all I can give and never asking for anything really in return but for them to know that I was there. Do I make a difference, am I loving enough, am I patient enough, is this all really worth it?
Well my answer deep inside is yes but how do I get what's inside out? How can I push what I know in my heart to become the reality I walk out? I know I will do it but I stand here with my arms folded like pouting child for a little while. Just this week I wrote about overcoming. I really don't feel like fighting to overcome today. Mama said there would be days like this. I am thankful God doesn't give up on me when I am stuck. I actually saw that today on one of those encouraging word pictures I was talking about earlier. I laughed out loud because that does explain my situation today... Stuck. So I wait... I wait until I can humbly unfold my arms and quiet my heart. Until I actually allow God to fill me up so what's inside will push its way out.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Today I am reflecting. Scary I know but I am thinking of the overcomer's that I have witnessed in my life. Those fighting for their lives, those who take risks to be seen for who they truly are, those who married at 16 & this year will celebrate 46years of marriage, a girl who beat the odds of teenage pregnancy, no college & has a successful career. How do these overcomer's overcome? Maybe it's determination, never giving up, and attitude. Or maybe it's their extreme faith while clinging to the words God has written. I am not completely sure all aspects of what sets these individuals apart. What drives them? What is this hope that's buried deep in their soul? I'm not sure some days but may we all find it. For me I think it's getting up every time you are knocked down.
Yesterday we lost a true overcomer in our community. This sweet ladies attitude, humor, sweet spirit, and her "no quitting attitude" has impacted lives of everyone she met. What a great display of Angel's walking among us. She's completely whole today standing with the God who created her and I know He welcomed her in saying well done my good and faithful servant.
Then there's that video of a goth looking young man who gets on a stage to sing for the first time ever. Even his parents had no idea he could sing. The music begins to play sweet soft sounds then from nowhere you hear opera coming from his vocal cords. Self taught, hiding his talent under a bushel, afraid, but courage springs forth and he receives a standing ovation. He overcame that fear of rejection.
Then the young couple who eloped at 16 that had no clue about life, marriage, love, and how it all works but this year celebrates 46 years of marriage. Not to mention the obstacles they overcame as they raise a family, juggle working, drug/alcohol addiction, and bankruptcy. How does that work? How do you overcome such struggles? Persistence, determination, faith, hope, and Grace of God?
Yet in our day to day we can't get off the couch to exercise, we can't put down the cheeseburger, and we can't fight through our pain. Always wanting to run from our problems yet can't put on our tennis shoes to run around the neighborhood. Or maybe that's only me. It's funny how we can overcome a life of poverty but we can't help others or how we don't want someone to judge us but we can't get the log out of our own eye. Our tongue. The unruly little beast that spouts evil one minute then turns words into sugar. You know like syrupy sugar that sits at the bottom of southern sweet tea. Life & death are in the power of the tongue. How can we overcome that?
I'm not convinced of how it all works because I struggle daily. I have overcome a lot in my life and my struggles are different from others. Lately I can only breathe deeply, take one step at a time, work hard to stay in today, and trust. Trust that when Everything around me is in chaos God is there saying peace be still. I work hard to be thankful in all things but some days that's harder than others. How can we be overcomer's in our day to day, in our difficult struggles, & in deep pain. I heard a preacher use this phrase and it just stuck: the deep pain of life prepares you for the deep love of God.
Be a fighter, be an overcomer, be hopeful, be an encourager, be a lover, be a grace giver, love from every fiber of your being, speak words that give life. I think Romans 12 really says it all:
Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody. Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.” Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good. (Romans 12:9-21 MSG)
Fight to be an overcomer... That's what it is going to take.. We must fight...
I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: (2 Timothy 4:7 KJV)