There are some days I could care less if I see another informational picture that quotes something encouraging or to praise God anyway. It seems we can like them, save them, share them, and even quote them but some days they can't speak to the core of your discouraged heart. You know that place that at the end of the day questioning why am I doing this again? Some days my struggles are overwhelming on top of being sick doesn't exactly make me want to read them or remember "in everything give thanks". I am frustrated. Lately it seems that's a state I find myself residing. Frustrated that people don't really listen, can't follow the rules, refuse to follow-up, wear their mask, or those who scam everyone to think that they really are doing what they are supposed too. Especially when there are so many who are overlooked that are working hard & making good choices. Of course then there's those you spend your life pouring into. Those you make the biggest contribution too & at the end of the day you are left standing with egg on your face.
Sometimes I just feel stuck. I know I am supposed to be stuck to God not in my circumstance. But today here I am. What do I do with all these feelings? The feelings of not enough, never good enough, never any real understanding, no thank you's, no pats on the back, never credit for all you do. Just nothing simply nothing. It's a lonely place.
When you look to God to answer all these feelings and allow Him the liberty to speak into them I know He makes the difference. But even though I may know that doesn't mean I always feel like it. I feel there are days my heart just bleeds out. Giving all I can give and never asking for anything really in return but for them to know that I was there. Do I make a difference, am I loving enough, am I patient enough, is this all really worth it?
Well my answer deep inside is yes but how do I get what's inside out? How can I push what I know in my heart to become the reality I walk out? I know I will do it but I stand here with my arms folded like pouting child for a little while. Just this week I wrote about overcoming. I really don't feel like fighting to overcome today. Mama said there would be days like this. I am thankful God doesn't give up on me when I am stuck. I actually saw that today on one of those encouraging word pictures I was talking about earlier. I laughed out loud because that does explain my situation today... Stuck. So I wait... I wait until I can humbly unfold my arms and quiet my heart. Until I actually allow God to fill me up so what's inside will push its way out.